Davia, Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post. I value your insight as a leader at the Girl Scouts of the USA and someone active in the campaign.

As I have said consistently, I applaud the campaign for what I think is its underling mission – promoting leadership. Nevertheless, I am disappointed by the campaign’s choice to focus on the word bossy – a word that is neither supported in the literature as a primary barrier to leadership nor meaningfully resonant with young girls today in my personal and professional experience. I agree that girls need to be, as you said, “freed from negative appellations of their spirit and ambition and power.” I would also add girls need to be encouraged, shown how to express their thoughts effectively, and handle adversity and the feelings that accompany it. In many ways, this is what the campaign materials do very well; they are excellent.

However, I disagree that girls subverting their voice lead to “traditionally devious ‘mean girls’” as you suggest. This seems a stretch. Girls too afraid to speak up, who choose to subvert their voice become more socially anxious, suffer poor self-esteem, and can develop a host of mental health issues I see regularly in my practice. I would assert that bullying behavior, meanness, and even bossiness, is distinguished from those who have subverted their voices by their willingness to assert themselves through shared tactics of dominance and domineering behavior. I agree the terms “bossy” and “bully” are different, and I certainly have never asserted they are the same thing. However, setting aside our disagreement on how close or disparate they are conceptually, these concepts are indeed comingled in the view of the very girls the campaign is trying to reach. This is the point of my quote, and, with respect, is part of the problem with the campaign’s choice to focus on the word as its battle cry.

Focusing too heavily on the word bossy, whether to ban or even embrace it as some have argued, threatens to obscure the very thing I believe we all are agreed on – fostering self-esteem and confidence in girls. There is work to be done and I commend Sheryl Sandberg, the Girl Scouts of the USA, and you for taking up the mantle of developing leadership and empowering young girls. In the spirit of a campaign that has my respect and purports to model leadership, I would hope that my voice would be heard as it was intended – as a challenge, even an invitation – and not simply a knock that should be silenced or shamed.

I sincerely hope the campaign will broaden to embrace these dialogues, and move the conversation away from a word that doesn’t resonate and toward the problem’s real solution – fostering courage and self-esteem in girls. This is what I do every day and, I believe, would be the campaign at its best.