Did I forget to mention he beat me up in the presence of his girl and threw me out of the apartment we rented together? Why do I still love him?

hi i recently had a breakup and i understand it hurts so bad i though i coulnt live withut him it stings and it fells like my heart is bruised i rly understad and thank you for sharing your emotions bye.

I know how you feel, my lady of 5 years just left over a month ago for a homeless junkie of all people. She said she was just going to her moms right quick and never came back. We got clean together and I wanted to stay clean which I believe is the reason that she left. We had our ups&downs, we did argue A LOT and it was very toxic. She is a pathological liar and I have quite a few mental issues myself. I did say a lot of mean and hurtful things when I was upset. She did lie and do a lot of sneaky s*** behind my back, it was so bad that I stooped down to that level and made some mistakes myself. We used to react to eachother and say mean hurtful things, I was always the one to beg her to just stop arguing and ask if we can please have a good day. We have an amazing 3 yr old son, we built a life together, we moved out of the ghetto and bought a house out in the country. She stole from me me repeatedly , recently robbed me for 3 grand cash, and would always use my son as a weapon to hurt me. Despite all of our issues, I was never going to give up on her. The past month she has been messing with my head promising she would come back home and start over on a clean slate, I love her so much that I was willing to do that but she only told me what I wanted to hear to con money out of me. It still hurts like hell and doesn’t get any easier. She has only tried to see our son 3 or 4 times since she left, she did something similar to 6 other kids from 3 different dad’s in different states (that I know of). It just helps to get it out and talk about it, I just understand why I still want this person back knowing it can never be the same. I guess time will heal all wounds, this time I’m just going through it alone and am staying single by choice. Thank you for the article, it does show some insight on how to get the pain to stop.

It’s been 2 weeks since my fiancée broke up with me. I cry all the time. We were together for 3 years and a half and all this pain is so new to me. She was my first love. She was meant to go on holiday with me and my family and she just called me that’s she’s not coming and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. It was such a shock as we didn’t fight before and we were genuinely happy before all this happened. I’m just so heartbroken but also angry I was treated like this. She was my best friend and I trusted her completely and now she feels like a different person to me. She also kicked me out of the flat without having a place to stay in the city (we were living together for 2,5 years). I often have dreams about her and it all makes me feel so terrible in the morning. Throughout the relationship we were both aware of our toxic habits (spending too much time together, controlling, jealousy, possessiveness) but we never really addressed them and worked on the properly. We loved each other so much and I guess we both assumed that was the way we were. When my fiancée broke up with me, she brought up all the problems and put the whole guilt onto me, which I think was not okay. I think the timing for bringing up all the problems that we knew we had was off and apart from hurting me, she also hurt my close family very deeply. Kicking me of the house during covid when she knows I have no job was so crazy to me as I would never do anything like this to her, even though I would decide that I don’t want to be with her anymore. She hurt me so badly and I still love her so much. She literally broke me and my whole belief system into pieces. The worst thing to me is the realisation that you really trusted the person, you gave them all your heart and opened up your soul and they treat you terribly like this. I’m just so scared that I’m not gonna be able to trust anyone for a long time now.

Thanks for posting your story, Dani.

It sounds like you have had a complicated road of feeling alone, frustrated, and now heartbroken. Losing an affair is a special kind of pain, a loss that is secret, laced with guilt, and alone. It is a lonely, frustrated place, to endure the loss of an affair, but it is also a brave place that can be the foundation of new beginnings.

I hope you might find the strength to seek help to work on your marriage – to heal the pains that set you down this path to begin with, and reignite the love you shared at one time. If healing truly isn’t possible, I hope you might secure help in forging a separation that is tenable. Staying in a marriage for financial reasons will leave you feeling more alone, and more desperate. You deserve to be happy, your husband deserves to be happy, and your kids need you. Give yourself space to process this loss, and your grief. But in working to accept and live into being a married woman again, as you mention, I would aim to find ways to reconnect with your partner, and your family. It will take time, but is possible.

Wishing you all the best,

Alicia