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Moving On After A BreakUp – YourTango Panel

Very pleased to join this great panel of Your Tango Experts discussing the challenges of moving on after a breakup. Very little feels harder than this, and fantasy can play a big role in keeping you stuck in the past, unable to move ahead. Here’s what editors had to say:

Looking back on the situation with emotional eyes means that often, you won’t remember what really happened. You remember him being kinder or gentler than he really was. Or you recall her being more supportive or loving than she really was.

The end result is a fantasy scenario created around “the one who got away”. And we all know people who are still hung up on some shlep who actually did them wrong (usually an ex not even worthy of their love).

So, how can you snap back to reality, see things as they are and finally move on?  

We took this question to Experts to share their best advice. First, we have anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher. Dr. Fisher has been researching and writing about the biology of love for years. She’s joined by psychologist Dr. Alicia Clark, counselor Marta Rocha and psychologist Dr. Foojan Zeine. Each of these ladies shares on the video her best tips for getting to the truth and the heart about what it’s like to live and long for an old relationship or a fantasy about an ex.

According to our Experts, it’s no easy task. But, there are ways to shift your story from one with a desperate and sad ending to one where, perhaps, your ex leaving was truly a good thing.

The heart of the discussion leads to one central theme — to live an adult life, you must own up to your rose-colored version of your past AND your ex.

Yes, sometimes an ex is a great person who slipped through your fingers. But more often than not, the past is in the past for a reason. 

If you’re trapped there, the only way out is to uncover the truth about why your relationship ended and why it belongs in the past. So that even if you do find a way back to your ex, there’s hope for a new version of your story.

Alicia H. Clark, PsyD

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