Cited in Men’s Health – How You’re Sparking Her Jealousy



HOW YOU’RE SPARKING HER JEALOUSY: Little Things That Make Her Jealous

From holding doors open to liking Facebook posts, these are the tiny landmines you might step on in her presence.

In this post, Sarah Jacobsson Purewal takes on jealousy, its meaning, and a list of small things any of us could do that unwittingly spark our partner’s jealousy. While this is written for men, the tips are equally useful for us women. I was delighted to have offered a few ideas:

Noting that your new neighbor happens to be in great shape is actually okay, if you don’t overdo it. (There’s no need to go into detail, for example.) But if your girlfriend has been mentioning her love handles recently, or lamenting how her busy schedule keeps her from hitting the gym every other day, it’s probably wise to keep all comments about female bodies to your circle of guy friends. “We’re threatened by the things we feel most vulnerable about,” says psychologist Alicia Clark, PsyD. “Our looks, our smarts, our attitude, our earning power—you name it, we can be sensitive about it. And what we’re sensitive about is exactly what we notice in others and feel threatened by.”

The easiest way to fight this trigger is actually to avoid it, Clark says. “Try not to add to her insecurities by pointing out other’s assets.” But you should try to find out what her insecurities actually are, by asking her why she’s reacting the way she is—is it an insecurity, a painful episode in the past, or something else motivating her emotions? “Except for the unusually paranoid personality, most jealousy is founded at some level,” Clark says. “Even if what you did was harmless, jealousy could be a signal that something in the relationship is amiss.”

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Alicia H. Clark, PsyD