8 Ways To Dial Down the Scary and Manage Halloween Anxiety for Sensitive Kids
Parenting anxious kids is hard enough without needing to worry about their future development of phobias, and yet Halloween’s focus on scary icons like ghosts, zombies, and spiders may just be the waiting catalyst for an anxious child to develop a lifetime of personal fears. Managing Halloween anxiety is a key part of taking care of sensitive children.
Chapman University just released a survey of 1500 people’s biggest fears, with one in ten adult respondents endorsing fears of such things as ghosts, zombies, and clowns, and one in four people admitting fears of insects like spiders. Personal fears and phobias can develop for a variety of reasons, but often result from early scary – even traumatic – experiences with unusual ambiguous stimuli in early childhood before they can fully understand the difference between fantasy and reality (usually by age 6). For example, many kids develop a fear of clowns having been exposed to their jarring antics before being able to understand that a clown is just a person in character. For sensitive kids, their risk of being frightened is simply higher.
For parents of sensitive or anxious kids, during this season of fright, here are some ways to ratchet down halloween anxiety and still keep the holiday comfortable and fun for your family.
- Know your child: If your child is sensitive, chances are your child is prone to fear reactions that you might not be able to predict. Also, sensitivity typically goes hand-in-hand with anxiety in children, and this means sensitive kids are sensitive to all emotions, and especially fear. With Halloween being a holiday that at its most basic level celebrates death, and our deepest fears about it, it will help to orient your young child to what it’s all about, and that it is pretend.
- Choose happy, emotionally neutral costumes over scary ones. Sensitive kids will enjoy dressing up in costumes they understand and can relate to. Make the costume deciding fun by letting your child take the lead on it and participate in the buying or making of the costume.
- Have your child’s costume ready in advance of Halloween so he or she can practice playing with it and becoming familiar with dressing up. The more comfortable they are in their costume, the more comfortable they will be experiencing others, and the less likely they will be to struggle with halloween anxiety.
- Avoid masks, as these can be the most disorienting to young and sensitive children who rely heavily on nonverbal facial cues to regulate themselves emotionally. So scary to young children are masks that some primary schools forbid them from school-sponsored events.
- Prioritize sleep. Make sure your child gets to bed on time for the couple of nights before Halloween so that he is well-rested. Rest helps everything go better, especially when it comes to processing new information, managing emotions, and decreasing anxiety.
- Trick or treat in daylight so your child is not over stimulated by the darkness. When darkness falls, let your child continue to participate by handing out candy to neighboring children from the safety of your familiar and well-lit home in order to stave off halloween anxiety.
- Avoidance is risky: If your sensitive child doesn’t want to dress up or participate in Halloween, understand that avoidance can strengthen rather than diminish their fears over time. Phobias are in large part reinforced through avoidance. Talk this through with your child and work towards a creative compromise that allows them to feel in control but also participate. Children who choose to avoid the activity can feel left out, more afraid of the activity and thus even more sensitive.
- Watch your child’s reactions carefully, and do not dismiss frightened tears as silly or irrational. Remember, children do not make up their feelings, and they need our help to sort through their powerful emotions. If your child suddenly becomes scared of something, stop what you’re doing, get down on his or her level, and listen to what is scaring them. Make sure to reflect back how you understand their fears, before explaining why they don’t have to be afraid. There is a difference between telling a child not to be afraid, and explaining why they don’t need to be afraid.
Sensitive children feel things at a higher volume than others, and often need our help understanding and processing their environment, especially when it comes to halloween anxiety. Imaginary ghosts, pretend spiders, and scary masks can all our part of this iconic holiday’s purpose of facing down our fears through play.
At its best, kids learn that they can tolerate and even find fun in being scared, while at the same time knowing they are safe. This can be an important part of finding confidence amidst anxiety, and teaching kids that they can handle situations that are unfamiliar, surprising, and even disorienting. Especially for our sensitive and anxious children.
Looking for more help with parenting and anxiety? Check out my book, Hack Your Anxiety, sign-up for my free mini-ecourse to help you hack anxiety’s most common challenges, or subscribe to my newsletter.