Cited in Cupids Pulse – Five Ways to Let Him Down
“Five ways to let him down without hurting his feelings”
In dating, it is your job to assess constantly the data points another person presents you, determining at each point, do you want to continue? And while this is understood and known to be mutual, telling somebody what you think of them can be hard, and harder still if you know this news will hurt his feelings. I was interviewed by Wendy Johnson of Cupids Pulse on this topic, and here is her masterful summary of this much dreaded task,
When you have collected enough data to know a man isn’t the right fit for you, decide how and when you will tell him. Meet with him in person, take the high road, have your plan and stick to it. A first step is getting really clear on how you really feel about him.
“Feelings aren’t negotiable and also aren’t anything you can help. They are your’s and not his,” says licensed clinical psychologist Alicia H. Clark. “For those reasons, telling him how you feel about him will work better than telling him what you think about him.” Clark suggests using the Oreo approach, where you start off with something positive, transition to a negative, and then end on a positive. It’s a great way to tie everything together in a cohesive manner.