You Both Want to Save the Marriage After Infidelity – But How? – YourTango

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You Both Want to Save the Marriage After Infidelity – But How? By 

Following the previous article on this topic, Love, Marriage, and Adultery: Can Your Relationship Survive? – syndicated to MSNFox, and HuffPost the week it was published here on Your Tango – I’d like to further expand on how to save a marriage after infidelity.

No one said this is going to be easy. There will be many critics and cynics out there who will reject the idea that reconciliation is wise or even possible. But what if the cheater regrets having the affair, and the betrayed partner believes forgiveness is possible? If you both want to repair the relationship, your marriage is salvageable.

Here are top ways to save a marriage after an affair.

1. Establish That Both Partners Want In

If one of the partners is not committed to begin the relationship anew, saving the marriage will likely fail. One partner cannot do this work without the other. The good news is that when both partners are in for the long haul, renewal can happen.

2. Rest Assured: The Betrayed Partner Can Regain Trust

This might sound unbelievable, but it’s not. For marriages where the cheater wants to end the affair and return to the spouse fully, it’s because the cheater wants to be in the relationship with the spouse, not with anyone else. They likely cheated because they were lonely. If you are the betrayed one, you can feel hopeful because this partner wants YOU back. They missed YOU. Start to reconnect by touching each other, holding hands, sleeping close together. Touchbuilds oxytocin, the neurochemical associated with attachment. Through honest conversations about your relationship, the circumstances of the affair, and what you’d both like from your marriage moving forward, you’ll be able to feel and trust your partner’s love for you. Over time, trust is reestablished and earned back.

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Alicia H. Clark, PsyD